I am trying to not think that a new mindset that I am experiencing is a short term dillusion. Often times, I will *think* I’ve crossed into a new mentality, only to find that it is not anything perminant.
I am trying very hard to only take one day at a time and look only at the individual day, the goals I have set out for me for that particular day, and to not look any farther into the future than tomorrow. Right now, it feels good. I can’t screw up too much if I’m only focusing on today.
So, this morning I hear the alarm and truly contemplate the consequences of not getting up. The bed was warm, I was comfortable, and I still felt tired. As I lay there, I just couldn’t not get up. It wasn’t like I had this wave of motivation or even drive, it was more a necessity. Like when you have to get up to go to work. And up I went.
I quickly got my running gear on, grabbed the Garmin and headed out the front door to put my shoes on. I fired up the Garmin, laced up the shoes and got the Moeben sleeves pulled up. Started walking down the stairs to hear the Garmin beep at me. I look at it and the battery is dead. Bummer, I guess it didn’t charge last night. Oh well. Knowing my goal was 2 miles this morning, I had already planned my route. No biggie, just didn’t have a watch to keep track of my time. I suppose I could have used the iPod, but that required much too much cognitive ability at 5:30 am without coffee.
This morning was different than yesterday. First off, it was warmer. But, that wasn’t the difference. Once I got my feet moving, I actually had motivation to push myself a little harder. Well, not enough to run just yet, but to definitely push it harder.
This morning was a morning where my mind was occupied more with the past than the present or future. I was having some in depth thoughts about myself and I realize that I have some old anger and hurt that I just have a hard time letting go. I never thought of myself as someone who kept grudges, but I am learning that in some respects I do.
I am already finding a great appreciation and solace in having even these few minutes alone with myself. It is something that I’ve been hungry to have again for a very long time, and I am joyful in the experience.
Another day down and another goal met. Right now, I only have one other goal, and that is to repeat today tomorrow. There is a certain liberation to not looking so far in the future as I have frequently and consistently done in the past. Experiencing the moment, living in the now, and accomplishing the accomplishable is wonderful and rewarding.
Get up and do 2 miles again tomorrow morning.
The alarm went off this morning at 5am. I didn’t really hear it, or maybe it was that I didn’t want to hear it. After all, having the radio come on is pretty easy to just decide to sleep through. However, somewhere about 5:18 a.m. my brain said to my body – “Get Up.” And the body complied.
I managed to get dressed and out the door without waking anyone up, which was a nice thing, at least I’m assuming Chet appreciated that fact I didn’t wake the kids up at 5:30 this morning. As I stepped outside, I realized it was a bit chilly, which I had planned on. I pulled up my Moben sleeves and proceeded to get all my reflective flashy stuff on. I then realized that the flashy do-hicky armband’s battery was dead. Bummer. But, it wasn’t too big of an issue considering that it was already starting to get light.
Off I went. I started out walking. After all, it’s been probably more than a year since I’ve actually legitimately RAN, and I’m really trying to do this differently this time. I am seriously trying to ease back into this because I don’t want to end up in the same cycle I’ve repeated for the past 15 years. So, I started out walking with a simple goal in mind – complete 2 miles.
I have a practically spot on 2 mile loop from the house, and off I went. I figured if I felt REALLY good, then I’d go ahead and kick it up a notch and throw a jog in there. But, that was not a goal nor was it really even an aspiration. This morning was simply about one thing – get up at the appointed time and completing the planned distance. Time was not a concern, nor was the means of accomplishing it as long as I did it upright and with a smile on my face.
Immediately I was taken back almost two years where I was getting up every morning and running, and why I enjoyed it so much. There is something tremendously peaceful about being out early in the morning. The air is cool and it is quiet. There is not a lot of noise from traffic, people working, etc. There is peacefulness early in the morning. Also there is something wonderful about experiencing sunrise.
As I passed through the regional park near the house, I was deeply caught up in thought as the warmth of the sun rising began to my back. That’s the other thing I remember I enjoyed and I realize how much I’ve missed – just having that deep thought process. There is something to be said about how you can really work through things on your mind that are bugging you out alone during a workout. Maybe it’s because you have extra oxygen invigorating every cell? Maybe it’s because your mind clears and you’re more open to deep thoughts without a lot of distraction from the telephone/computer/television/family. It’s probably both and much more.
The two miles went by rather quickly and I was reminded of yet another thing enjoyable about early morning workouts – seeing so much and watching the world wake up around you. This morning was the accomplishment of my first goal. So, now that I accomplished that it is time to set a second goal, and that is to repeat this morning tomorrow morning, but maybe a different 2 mile loop.
