Humm, goals often seem no more substantive than the air they are spoke from.  Alas, the cyclical nature of my life continues.

I am trying to not think that a new mindset that I am experiencing is a short term dillusion.  Often times, I will *think* I’ve crossed into a new mentality, only to find that it is not anything perminant.

I am trying very hard to only take one day at a time and look only at the individual day, the goals I have set out for me for that particular day, and to not look any farther into the future than tomorrow.  Right now, it feels good.  I can’t screw up too much if I’m only focusing on today.

So, this morning I hear the alarm and truly contemplate the consequences of not getting up.  The bed was warm, I was comfortable, and I still felt tired.  As I lay there, I just couldn’t not get up.  It wasn’t like I had this wave of motivation or even drive, it was more a necessity.  Like when you have to get up to go to work. And up I went.

I quickly got my running gear on, grabbed the Garmin and headed out the front door to put my shoes on.  I fired up the Garmin, laced up the shoes and got the Moeben sleeves pulled up.  Started walking down the stairs to hear the Garmin beep at me.  I look at it and the battery is dead.  Bummer, I guess it didn’t charge last night.  Oh well.  Knowing my goal was 2 miles this morning, I had already planned my route.  No biggie, just didn’t have a watch to keep track of my time.  I suppose I could have used the iPod, but that required much too much cognitive ability at 5:30 am without coffee.

This morning was different than yesterday.  First off, it was warmer.  But, that wasn’t the difference.  Once I got my feet moving, I actually had motivation to push myself a little harder.  Well, not enough to run just yet, but to definitely push it harder.

This morning was a morning where my mind was occupied more with the past than the present or future.  I was having some in depth thoughts about myself and I realize that I have some old anger and hurt that I just have a hard time letting go.  I never thought of myself as someone who kept grudges, but I am learning that in some respects I do.

I am already finding a great appreciation and solace in having even these few minutes alone with myself.  It is something that I’ve been hungry to have again for a very long time, and I am joyful in the experience.

Another day down and another goal met.  Right now, I only have one other goal, and that is to repeat today tomorrow.  There is a certain liberation to not looking so far in the future as I have frequently and consistently done in the past.  Experiencing the moment, living in the now, and accomplishing the accomplishable is wonderful and rewarding.

Get up and do 2 miles again tomorrow morning.